Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?

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(760): View more from California

dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Small penises have feelings too.

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(434): View more from Virginia

Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.

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(530): View more from California

As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.

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(928): View more from Arizona

I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days

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