"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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