so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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