Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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