one two three fourrrrnication!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
