Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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