I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
