Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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