i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
