you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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