no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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