i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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