...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
