I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
