I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I forget how to act sober
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
