im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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