Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
