You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
