So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
did i just pee glitter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
