The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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