I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
