nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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