then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
