its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
