so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
