Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
