how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
