FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
