So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
