Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
