There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
