hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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