That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
