You work out of a Hotel?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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