i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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