I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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