DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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