i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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