its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
