I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
