Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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