I didn't shave. On purpose
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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