The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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