my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
