True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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