Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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