I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
