I feel great
I just peed on a car
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
