is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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