You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
