I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
