Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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