all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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