i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
