I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
