very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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