Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hippo gnu deer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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