Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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