Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
