I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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