Having a random hookup so left but love u
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
