I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
