yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
