I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
