i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
