Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I currently don't understand fingers.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
