pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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