At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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