On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
