her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
