He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
