I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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