I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The power of my boobs compel you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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