We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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I think my nap took me to another dimension
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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