he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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