he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
