community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
