I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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