End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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