but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
