I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
